Top Eight Ways Air Travel Could be Improved

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  1. Have a better boarding system-I’m going to anger the first class people here but I think we should load planes like we load elevators- as in load the back first then move forward.  Everyone finds the whole having the first class watch us peasants load up to be demeaning. The first class people feel like we’re holding them up, we feel like scumbags having to walk past the fancy seats and all of the amenities we’ll be denied once we reach our too tiny seat in the back of the plane. Plus, why load the front first anyways? So the first class can sit there sooner? Load from back to front to get all of the people in the back in first since it takes longer to walk the length of the plane than it does to walk the first few rows of the plane. The first class will get off first and isn’t that the key thing anyways since most people have connecting flights or are going simply crazy from being trapped in a plane for hours at a time and care about nothing more than getting off? Let the poor cattle on first and we can leave sooner.  Give the first class some champagne in the waiting area if they get restless.

  2. Have a better unloading system- Now let’s worry about getting off the plane. I get it, you have another flight to get to in a very limited amount of time! Guess what? So do the majority of the other people sharing the plane with you. You aren’t special and that doesn’t give you the right to cut anyone either. The whole everyone fend for yourself is wasting everyone’s time and causing more problems than it solves. I suggest having the flight attendants take over and direct traffic so everyone can get off in a fair and timely manner. If you have a really short layover, tell the flight attendant so they can help you get off faster. We will understand if we know the reason but if we don’t we assume you’re just being a selfish jerk. If you can’t get off when your row is next or you want to be the very last person, just sit there ok? Be ready or you wait. Know when it’s your turn and get your butt up and out when it’s your time. Don’t get stage fright, just move it.  Planes exit by row. Let each person from the left and the right side exit before the next row goes. Don’t cut ahead if you’re the middle person and the window person on opposite side is too slow for you. You wait for the other side to exit then your side goes. Flight attendants really need to be in charge of this because this situation ends up being akin to wrangling kittens.  Everyone wants to do what they want without any regard to anyone else on the plane.

  3. Have a better control over who is using the overhead bins- I had a woman in first class stop me and the rest of the line when we were all trying to board while she put her bag in the economy section because her bin was full. The flight attendant took a few minutes to figure out what she was trying to pull and forced her to move her bag up to the front where she was sitting. I have had times where  I’m last to get to my area and my bin is already full and so are all of the other areas near me so because I was in one of the last groups to board. I had to figure out a place for my bag even though these other people clearly are using my spot that should be for my bag. The bin over your seat should be your spot and if you need more space than that, then you need to wait for everyone to get their stuff in their bin first and then you can dump your stuff in a different area. Let everyone on the plane get the opportunity to put their bags near them before you overtake their bin. Loading from the back would solve this by the way.

  4.  Respect people’s space-  this means you don’t have your elbows and legs spread out jabbing the person next to you. If your leg is taking up more space than mine in my area then you’re in the wrong. Unless you’re over six feet or over a certain weight threshold, you should be able to fit in your limited area without infringing on your seatmate. It means don’t recline your seat if you see the person behind you is tall and your seat is now jammed into their knees. Planes are getting smaller and smaller which means less personal space for everyone. Be mindful of your body and you shouldn’t have to worry about encroaching on someone else’s personal space.

  5. Could planes please make the aisle’s wider? The people who design the aisles clearly have never been a flight attendant with a cart or a passenger trying to pass the flight attendant with a cart in the middle of the aisle or they would design the plane’s aisle to fit more than an inch on either side of the cart. Designers of planes should be required to work and be a passenger on them before they hand in their final design so they can fix very fixable problems like too narrow airplane aisles and the inevitable elbow to the gut that middle seat people tend to be guilty of.

  6.  Could we just re-do how planes are designed as a whole? This design might have worked in the early days of airplanes when barely anyone travelled but today’s planes are overpacked and uncomfortable in every single way possible. Couldn’t we make smaller and more spacious planes that cost a bit more to fly in than having the bigger is better concept? It’s a giant plane but the seats barely fit the average American butt so how does that work out? Spend less on the size of the plane itself and more on the interior seat layout.

  7.  Have a fine system for bad behavior- I’m not limiting this to passengers either. There’s plenty of youtube videos of both passengers and flight staff being horrible yet nothing really happens to them. There should be an immediate fine for bad behavior in order to curb this.  Are you drunk and making a scene? That’ll cost you $100. Are you a flight staff member screaming at someone because you’re having a bad day and this person was the person to make you lose your mind? The airline pays a fine. If we can’t rely on each other to be respectful on such a basic level, let’s charge everyone for crappy behavior.  But that money has to go towards something other than the airline itself. That money has to go to the people they are hurting/affecting or towards a charity.  Let’s financially force decent behavior on planes and I have a feeling people will start acting nicer immediately. If the airline won’t part with cash as a way to placate for bad behavior, give airline miles.

  8. Could we have a baby plane and/or families only plane?  Yes, traveling is horrible with a baby. You know what’s worse? When it’s not your baby or your family and you’re forcing the rest of us to deal with it. You hold up the line getting on and off because you not only have a million pieces of luggage but your demon spawn are running every which way and you’re more focused on your phone or fighting with your spouse than the line or anyone but your own family. I get that babies cry and children are monsters. I’m not trying to downplay that horribleness but why subject the other 100+ passengers to one screaming baby and your inability to respect other people because your brain is already fried from being a parent but now throwing in travel induced brain damage? I suggest letting families travel on their own plane or at least their own section on the plane. You think your crying angel is fine screaming for 7 and a half hours straight? Fine, sit with your fellow families/crying babies and you all can be miserable together. Let the rest of us be in peace for the flight.

I realize these are pie in the sky dreams but everyone, everywhere can agree that air travel has only gotten worse over the years not better.  The next time you enter a plane, could you please just be nice? And maybe not stand up as soon as the plane comes to a sort of stop? Seriously, you’re not going to get ahead of the rows of people ahead of you-At least not without suffering a few elbows to the face- and we both know that those rows are going to take their sweet time getting off because no one remembers how to exit a plane once the plane has landed and the flight attendants always seem to go AWOL. Sit your butt down and relax.

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