Brides have a reputation for going, well how to put this nicely, insane, on their wedding days. But both the bride and the groom could stand to remember a few basic things on their big day to make their day less stressful and prevent any future wars with family/friends.
- This isn’t the best day of your life. No, seriously. How could it be? If you’re like most people, you’ve spent roughly the amount needed to make a 20% downpayment on a home on a single day. A day that will go by so quickly you’ll barely remember all of the details. Your life doesn’t end after your wedding day and it’s discounting all of your past achievements. You have so many more future days that will be better than your wedding day. Do not build your whole life around this one expensive party.
- Just because you are the bride doesn’t mean you can act like a bridezilla or she-devil or whatever term of endearment you want to give that behavior. Yes, you are stressed out. I get it, but I also don’t have sympathy for you. Why? Because you most likely over-planned this event to the point that the likelihood of things or even just one major thing going badly had about a 100% chance of happening. Keep your wedding simple and you’ll be far less likely to have a major catastrophe happen.
- Don’t make your best men and bridesmaids pay through the teeth to be part of your celebration. Do you realize you’re not the only couple getting married this year and maybe your friends are being asked to have roles in those other couples weddings too? Pick sensible dresses and suits that can be rented or are moderately priced so everyone can afford it. If you expect top tier attire then you should offer to pay all or a part of it to offset the cost.
- In terms of your best men/bridesmaids- do not treat these people as your personal minions who must do exactly as you say in order to continue to have the honor of working for free to be part of your wedding. Remember, they are doing you a favor in being part of your wedding. They are not your employees. Do not ask them to dye their hair or lose weight or change any part of their appearance. You have no right to ask this and they have the right to tell you to find their replacement.
- Grooms need to remember they are part of the planning as well. Grooms love to say “Oh, whatever you want is fine” but then they’ll spend the rest of their marriage complaining about the expensive steak dinners they’re still paying for ten years after the wedding. This is your time to speak up fellas or prepare to spend the rest of your life knowing you paid way too much for plastic tasting chicken and ugly flowers. You’ll take stress off of the bride so she won’t feel like she’s making all of the decisions on her own and you’ll have input on something you’re going to at the very least have a starring role in.
- Invite people that are appropriate to invite. You need to invite everyone in your family that hasn’t done anything horrific to you. If you invite your uncle and aunt then you need to invite their children. If you aren’t inviting the children then be consistent in that rule since your aunt and uncle will notice you invited your mailman’s children but not your own cousins. This isn’t going to cause good feelings in your family to be selective in whom you love enough to invite. The person you don’t want to invite in your family probably knows you don’t like them and may choose not to attend but you still need to at the very least show you care enough about keeping the peace in your family to invite them. Give them the option to come or not.
- Please don’t ask people to spend the same amount on your gift as you spent on their meals. This is beyond tacky. No one is forcing you to spend an absurd amount of money on this meal so don’t punish your guests because you decided to splurge and expect to be paid back through your gifts. Be grateful for what you get. A wedding invitation doesn’t mean your guests owe you anything other than their presence, think of the gift as a bonus.
- Send the flipping thank you notes ASAP. I know etiquette says you have up to a year but just write them within a week of your wedding and you’ll be done. If you have a lot of thank you notes to write then again, be grateful. That means you have that many people who care about you enough to give you a gift. Take that fifteen minutes to write a personalized card thanking them for their gift and for coming to your wedding.
- Consider donating your flowers and food leftovers to homeless shelters or nursing homes. They always have a need for food and the flowers would make their environments much better even if temporarily. Those flowers you spent a small fortune on will otherwise end up in a dumpster behind the reception hall. You might as well let them live a second life making those in need happy.
- I want you both to say the following throughout your wedding day- I AM NOT THE KING/QUEEN OF THE WORLD! I AM A REGULAR PERSON. I NEED TO REMEMBER I AM NOT SO SPECIAL THAT MY BEHAVIOR WILL NOT HAVE REGULAR CONSEQUENCES ONCE THIS WEDDING IS OVER. This day is supposed to celebrate your love, not show how much debt you’re getting into to “prove” your love. Divorces happen to people who spend $5 million on their weddings just as easily as people who spend $500 so remember that. You are the same person once you get married as you were before your wedding day. Act appropriately and spend wisely.
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