Top Ten Things about Relationships that Should be Taught in School

36923558-love-hand-lettering-handmade-calligraphy-on-chalkboard

Everyone for the most part knows the basics from health class in high school but the vast majority of high schools are lacking when it comes the real life information needed in terms of how to date safely and how to have a healthy relationships. Instead of just focusing on how the ovaries work each month,  the following were things I wish were addressed before I entered the scary dating world.

  1. There will be strings attached to that free dinner/cup of coffee. Granted, this isn’t representative of all men or even women for that matter but a lot of the men I dated expected sex if they spent so much as $2 on me and some expected it even if they didn’t spend a dime. There are far too many men who think that the more money they spend on the woman the more right they have to demand some sort of sexual payback.  A dinner spent on a date should be seen as an entertainment expense if you really need some sort of justification for it without then expecting sex. The person expected to give sex is being seen as basically a prostitute so please avoid this. If you can’t afford the dates you go on then don’t go on them or find a cheaper date idea.

  2. Ghosting. What is ghosting you may ask? Why, it’s just suddenly stopping any and all communication with someone to spare hurting the feelings of the person being dumped.  This is a cowards way of breaking up but it’s very common. I understand that it hurts to get rejected and the person doing it probably has very valid reasons to just disappear but it’s better to know that the relationship is over then being under a false impression that things are fine or having no answer at all.  The person being ghosted is left with no idea of if you were in some sort of horrible accident to explain your absence or they’ll come to all sort of horrible conclusions of why they were dumped in the rudest way possible. At the very, very least, send a text or email saying it’s over. A rejection is better than silence.

  3. Don’t go on any dates until you’re actually over the past relationship. The old advice of it’s easier to get over someone when you have someone else is not at all healthy and will most likely result in another failed relationship. Take the time to figure out what you did to impact the failed relationship and what you want in the next relationship so you stop the destructive behavior. This will also save you from dragging some innocent person/people down while you try to figure yourself out. Do your healing on your own time and then enter the dating world again. It’s like taking the time for a broken arm to heal versus going on your next date with a bone sticking out of your skin. You aren’t 100% healthy immediately following a relationship so take some time off before you go out again.

  4. Birth control is the responsibility of both parties. Sorry fellers, but you can’t depend on a woman to be on birth control or for her to have condoms available especially if this is a spur of the moment thing. Single women who haven’t had sex in a while probably aren’t going to be on a regular form of birth control until they know they are going to have a need for it. Much like men anret expected to wear a condom 24/7 so they’re ready to have protected sex, women aren’t going to always be on birth control either.  Have your own condoms and keep them in a dry and safe place- not your wallet since it will easily get damaged there and not your car since they will then be subject to the changing weather conditions. Women are the ones who get pregnant yes, but men are half of the reason they get pregnant biologically speaking too. Men can and usually are taken to court for child support /custody so spend the $10 for condoms and save yourself 18 years of child support. Women, please have a supply of condoms on hand for yourself as well.

  5. Don’t get into bed with anyone until you discuss past sexual history and any diseases one or both of you have. This conversation is so awkward and no one wants to do it but it’s going far worse than getting a call six months from now from this person informing you they tested positive for a sexually transmitted infection and you now need to get tested.  While you’re having this discussion, try and get a gauge of where both sides want this to go. Does one person just want a physical relationship and the other wants more of a commitment? Discuss this now instead of when you’re naked and it’s too late.

  6. Don’t go on dates thinking it will lead to marriage. It’s great to think hopefully before going on your first few dates but lower your expectations down to pretty much nothing in order to avoid a lot of pain/disappointment if the relationship fizzles out quickly.  Dates are a way to spend time with someone while seeing if you’re a good fit.  You can tell the other person you want more of a commitment up front but wait a few dates before you do it. Let things go organically and then discuss the future. Don’t bring up anything future related until you know them better.

  7. Men and women aren’t entirely sure of the meaning of date rape. I’ve had some experiences that now that I’m looking back, could have easily been defined as date rape but I didn’t know what that term actually involved. Date rape is the most common form of rape since it’s with someone you are acquainted with and is so hard to put down a definite meaning to. If either party doesn’t want to have sex at any point, even if you’re both naked at that point, then things need to stop immediately. No doesn’t mean keeping pushing until you wear the person down to say yes. It means stop and everything should stop at that point.

  8. Give a person two dates. There are times when you know you’ll never want to see your date again but for those gray dates where you’re left unsure of how you feel, give them a second or even third date. The person was most likely incredibly nervous or tired or stressed or any number of things to make them act the way they did. A second date will give you a second chance to see if this is worth pursuing and you’ll at least leave it knowing you gave them another chance to show their true selves. Don’t be quick to end something after one meeting or you may later regret your quick judgment and it’ll be too late.

  9. A person’s job doesn’t make them anything other than a person with that job title. I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough to date a doctor or a lawyer. I later came to see that those who were doctors or lawyers had as many if not more problems than a guy with a blue collar job. That’s great they have an awesome job but those jobs also come with very long hours and are highly stressful for the person working them. Do not date someone based on their resume alone or you will miss out on being with someone who can devote more attention to you.

  10. Know the signs of dating burn out. If you’re messaging tons of people and getting no responses and your last few dates have ended miserably, take a step back for a while. It doesn’t have to be a long time but you can burn out on going on too many dates or just being on the roller coaster that is dating. The single people are going to be there in a week or a month from when you step back so don’t be scared to take a break. Your heart will thank you and you’ll come back into the dating world refreshed rather than jaded.

 

For the best summer date ideas in Des Moines, click here. For the best places in Des Moines for brunch, click here.

Advertisements

One Comment Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s